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Ode To The One June 11, 2009

Posted by kidkev in Obama First 100 Days.
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The One

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the
people of the land called America , having lost their
morals, their work initiative, and their will to defend
their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that
person known as “The One.”

He emerged from the vapors with a message that
had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people,
telling them, “I am sent to save you. My lack of
experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous
ego, and my association with evil doers are of no
consequence. For I shall save you with Hope and
Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout
the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he
has defiled the nation, and that all he has built
must be destroyed.”

And the people rejoiced, for even though they
knew not what “The One” would do, he had
promised that he would bring change, and they
proclaimed,”Yes, We Can.”

And “The One” said “We live in the greatest country
in the world. Help me change everything about it!”

And the people said, “Hallelujah!! Change is good!”

Then He said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats.”
—- And the people said “Sock it to them!” —- and
“Redistribute their wealth.”

And then He said, “Redistribution of wealth is good
for everybody.”

And the people said, “Show us the money!”

And Joe the plumber asked, “Are you kidding me?
You’re going to steal my money and give it to the

And “The One” ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe’s
personal records were hacked, publicized, and
ridiculed; though no crime could be found.

One lone reporter asked, “That shouldn’t be; isn’t
that Marxist policy?”

And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, “With no foreign relations
experience and having zero military experience or
knowledge, how will you deal with radical

And “The One” said, “Simple. I shall sit with them
and talk kindly to them and show them how nice
we really are; and they will forget that they ever
wanted to kill us all!”

And the people said, “Hallelujah!! We are safe at
last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars
for the people!”

Then “The One” said, “I shall give 95% of you lower

And one, lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay
ANY taxes.”

So “The One” said, “Then I shall give you some of
the taxes the fat-cats pay!”

And the people said, “Hallelujah!! Show us the

Then “The One” said, “I shall tax your Capital Gains
when you sell your homes!”

And the people yawned and the already slumping
housing market fully collapsed.

And He said, “I shall mandate employer-funded
health care for EVERY worker and raise the
minimum wage, and lower the white collar wage.
And I shall also give every person unlimited
healthcare and medicine and even transportation
to the free clinics.”

And the people said, “Give me some of that!”

Then he said, “I shall penalize employers who
ship jobs overseas.”

And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”

Then “The One” said, “I shall bankrupt the coal
industry, and perhaps even the oil industry
(Cap & Trade/Carbon Tax) and though electricity
rates will skyrocket, we shall soon build wind
farms and solar power stations and drive green
cars that I shall mandate in Detroit !”

And the people said, “Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no
more coal! But we don’t care for that part about
higher electric rates.”

So “The One” said, “Not to worry. If your rebate
($10/week) isn’t enough to cover your extra
expenses ($3,000/year), we shall bail you out.
Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are
over! Only the fat cats will have to pay.”

Then He said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned
and slighted. Let’s grant them amnesty, Social
Security, free education, free lunches, free
medical care, bilingual signs and guaranteed

And the people said, “Hallelujah!!” And they made
him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing
spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their
prices and laid off workers; though they sold much
less of their products.

Others simply gave up and went out of business,
and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped
from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed.
Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the
people were without a means of support.

So “The One” again blamed the prior administration,
extended unemployment benefits to a year, bailed
out his favorite banks, and then took over the banks
and auto industries.

“The One” said, “I am the “The One” – The Messiah –
and I’m here to save you! We shall just print more
money so the government will have enough! Surely
one trillion dollars will make everyone happy.”

And immediately the Fed complied and the money
presses roared.

And China reconsidered their one trillion dollars of
loans to the US , and threatened to call in their

Other foreign trading partners said unto “The
One,” “Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a
pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more…
for everything… as your dollar becomes worth

And the people said, “Wait a minute. That is

And the world said, “Neither are these other idiotic
programs you have embraced.”

“Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a
second-rate power. What factories are not owned
by your government are owned by us. Now you
shall play by our rules!”

And “The One” said, “Americans are arrogant,
divisive, and derisive! We will listen.”

And the people cried out, “Alas, alas!! What have
we done?”

But yea verily, it was too late. The people eventually
set upon “The One” and spat upon him and stoned
him, and his name was dung. But the once mighty
nation was no more; and the once proud people
were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And
the Change that “The One” had given them was as
like unto a poison that had destroyed them from
within, and like a whirlwind that consumed all that
they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried
out in anguish, “Give us back our nation and our pride
and our hope!!”

But it was too late, and the once-glorious “Home of
the Brave and Land of the Free” was no more.